Why Your Team Sucks 2. Detroit Lions. Some people are fans of the Detroit Lions. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Detroit Lions. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team Detroit Lions. Butthole is always on the menu. Archives and past articles from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Philadelphia Daily News, and Philly. In finance, a foreign exchange option commonly shortened to just FX option or currency option is a derivative financial instrument that gives the right but not the. A hedge fund is an investment fund that pools capital from accredited individuals or institutional investors and invests in a variety of assets, often with complex. Some people are fans of the Detroit Lions. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Detroit Lions. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the. Even more Account Options. Sign in Search settings. Gmail is email thats intuitive, efficient, and useful. GB of storage, less spam, and mobile access. I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. I loafe and invite my soul. Only NFC team to never go to the Super Bowl, folks. Your 2. 01. 6 record 9 7. The best part was when they started 9 4 and then EVERYONE looked at the remaining schedule Giants, Cowboys, Packers and instinctively knew they were gonna lose out and blow the division to a Packers team that was two games behind with three games left. And so they did. Most predictable Lions thing to ever happen. They also lost to Tennessee in a game where they had three touchdowns called back by penalties. That is the SECOND most predictable Lions thing to ever happen. They played a Wild Card game against Seattle try to remember a single thing about it and had to send their QB out onto the field with a dislocated finger. He went 1. 8 3. 2 for 2. TDs and they lost 2. Tell me you guys wouldnt rather smash drives in the Silverdome ruins than watch this team flail around for 1. Stephen Moyer Distressed Debt Pdf To Word' title='Stephen Moyer Distressed Debt Pdf To Word' />Sundays a year. Your coach Jim Caldwell, whose. Lions head coach in modern NFL history. Its true. Your greatest coach in the Super Bowl era is your uncle who spends all day fishing The best part is that virtually every Lions fan will refuse to give Caldwell credit for anything and heap it all upon Jim Bob Cooter instead. One more 9 7 season and theyll probably build a Cooter statue outside Ford Field. Your quarterback Matt Stafford. By the end of every season, Matt Stafford is playing with half a frontal lobe and two bones sticking out of his finger. And because the NFL is cruel, they play the Packers in Week 1. Amazing. That fat bastard will chuck 5. Im very excited for a somber profile of Stafford 3. My Life Is Hell, as told to S. L. Price. Whats new that sucks Your uniforms I am so, so tired of this. You listen to me, professional sports team brand managers of the world Unless the colors andor the logo are new, the uniforms are not. You dont get to have a Seventh Avenue runway party just because you added piping to the jerseys. See now, this Now THAT is a redesign. I swear Kid Rock could win that states Senate seat by 2. On the field, the team stole T. J. Lang away from the hated Packers to replace departed guard Larry Warford. By law, any free agent signed from New England, Green Bay, or Pittsburgh will immediately turn to shit playing for any other team. Join us in Week 6 when Lang breaks both ankles in a golf cart mishap. Bob Quinn also shrewdly acquired a bunch of other teams draft busts, including tackle Greg Robinson to replace the injured Taylor Decker, whom they really needed, along with cornerback D. J. Hayden, who needs an Iron Mans arc reactor implanted in his chest just to keep from dropping dead on the field. What has always sucked You already know by now. Detroit is the place where legends retire quietly and without warning. And its only after the appropriate amount of time has passed that the obvious comes to light I didnt see a chance for them to win a Super Bowl at the time, Johnson said. For the work I was putting in, it wasnt worth my time, to keep on beating my head up against the wall, and not go anywhere Its the definition of insanity Thats everybodys goal, when they come to the league, is to win a Super Bowl. Thats the ultimate goal. I wanted to win it, and like I said, I just didnt see that opportunity with the Lions. Keep in mind that the Lions went to the playoffs in 2. I know thats not much, but that 2. Lions had won 1. 0 or more games in 1. This Caldwell era represents the most successful run of Lions football this century, which is just God, thats so sad. Megatron knew it was all a ruse anyway. Even with Stafford aboardby no means the greatest QB ever, but an astronomical upgrade over the parade of cave dwellers this team started during the 1. Megatron was like, This is fucking hopeless. Even when the Lions are good, theyre still lightyears away from being good enough. None of the other teams in their division consider them a rival because they mostly just feel bad for them. Their ceiling will forever be a wild card road game that will end in a blowout. You need to be 9. I just didnt feel like I was treated the way I should have been treated on the way out. For real, how does this team to manage to alienate its two greatest players The Ford family must be about as charming as a bag of brown recluse spiders. What a goddamn disaster. As for you, Michigan, you are a national disgrace. Your governor is still dumping urea into the Flint water supply and belongs in supermax prison. Your legacy of white musicians is downright criminal. Your chili dogs make Skyline look like Eleven Madison Park. Somehow the most prominent sports owner in Detroit is the moron who owns the Cleveland Cavaliers. The state is eternally terrified of Mexicans taking jobs that already vanished 4. Michigan is a hollowed out ore mine. Did you know Buzz Lightyear has questions. What might not suck Zach Zenner is wayyyy better at not football stuff than football. Amazing. You guys went through the whole alphabet of running backs from Ameer Abdullah to Zach Zenner and none were good. HEAR IT FROM LIONS FANS Richard I am not old enough to remember a single playoff victory. Pete Fuck this team. Randy We once lost a game because our defensive tackle missed the game tying extra point. Jesus, I cant believe thats a true sentence. Jim Between Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders, our best player was Jason Hanson. He was a kicker. Patrick Why would a team based in the Midwest choose Honolulu Blue as a primary team color Why Garrison Catch me drowning my sorrows in hard vodka by 1 2. Device Driver Manager Debian Wiki. Sundays this season. Jake The transmission for my 2. Ford Focus, along with transmissions for all Focus models from 2. Yes, five years worth of automatic transmissionsa technology thats been around for more than a centuryhad to be recalled. So is anyone surprised the Ford family doesnt know how the hell to run a football team Jamie There have been only two stretches in the Super Bowl era when theyve had consecutive winning seasons. Trey The bar has been set so low for this franchise that last season they honored the 1. NFC championship game, with a ceremony and a fucking banner. Joe Their best defensive player and probably best human being, who had struggled with injury for two seasons, was cleared by the teams doctors the day before he was cut just so they could fuck him out of some guaranteed money. It doesnt take an orthopedic surgeon to guess that he probably wasnt healthy enough to play when those same doctors cleared him a couple months after his surgery, just in time to be a non factor during the teams usual late season meltdown, and it doesnt take a Belichick scion to guess what the management had in mind at that time. You know what else is a family owned franchiseNorth Korea. Ryan The Lions have ruined two of the greatest offensive players in the history of the game to the point where theyd rather not play than continue to lose. They then managed to ask for their money back. Chris Following the Lions allows you to understand your place in the universe. You are irrelevant. The management doesnt care what you think and the team will never matter to the league. NFC championship history. Brittany Fun Fact Stafford is 5 4. Ed note Holy crap. There are only two types of Lions fans. The type who absolutely know the Lions are destined to be the 2nd worst bunch of fuck ups in the league for eternity sorry, Cleveland. The other type of Lions fans are the eternally delusional optimistic type. These people should be shot. Pete The team has never been to the Super Bowl. Once more, the closest the team ever got was losing by more than four touchdowns during the 1.